On The Radio: David Guetta v. Florence + the Machine: I’m a serial NPR listener, so my only real access to new music comes from either the influx of YouTube videos posted to social media sites or music-obsessed queerbears on Scruff who’d rather tell me what concert they just came from than send me a close up of their cock. That being said, both Guetta and Florence seem to be getting a lot of attention, so I gave them a listen.
My take? Guetta is for the homo club boys and urban violence technicians. He seems to be some sort of not-exactly-ugly, skinny, white Timbaland. I’d look at his dick if he was at the urinal next to me, but I’d do the same thing to Dieta Pepsi, so there’s no real value in that at all. Florence will likely end up at Lilith Fair performing as a man. I’m not saying she isn’t a man now, mind you, but she isn’t performing as one. Ginger giant that she is, she’s at least shopping for her shoes among the genitally ambiguous. Not surprisingly, you’ll probably hear both at Novak’s and either would do fine in the relentless cacophony of The Loading Zone.
On The Boob Tube: For those in the know, True Blood is back. In the few short episodes aired so far, we’ve had a few better-than-fleeting glances at Sam Merlotte’s ass; gratuitous biting, licking, and raping of Jason Stackhouse; hot and sweaty girl on girl action from Tara Thornton; and some plot stuff that gets all clogged up between the nudity and violence. Sadly, still no raunchy faggot witch sex on screen between the staple gays: Lafayette and Jesus.
Yes, Jesus. An easy name to get right when you’re on your back with your feet on the ceiling, right ladies? I’m willing to hold out hope that the show will get even gayer now that they’ve given Tara a fever for the flavor of the Sapphic sensation, but I’m also near a letter writing campaign to remove Lafayette’s ridiculous frohawk and rattail.
From the doldrums of obscurity, somebody nobody watches said something everybody heard. So, apparently CBS is still airing its voyeuristic idiotfest, Big Brother. Who knew? Once I found out that the same show in other countries included gratuitous (in size and exposure) penis footage, I gave up watching our puritan sideshow version. Even so, former 2009 Big Brother homophobe Jeff Schroeder is back again and this time he’s hating on Dumbledore. In his words, "He's in a school with little kids, you can't make that guy gay!" This is the same guy that gave us these gems in 2009: “Fuck you, you fucking homo faggot” and “you fucking jealous fags.” Hey CBS, nice work, douchebags. If I really wanted to watch a crowd of degenerates hate on minorities, I’d go to a Tea Party rally. At least there I might get my balls licked by Marcus Bachmann.
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